(no subject)

[wgraham]

Will wasn't sure if he'd ever felt this way before in his life. He'd felt attraction toward people before, obviously, and he'd had girlfriends, though nothing serious, but he hadn't ever been so interested in being around someone as he was about being with Molly.

When they'd made this date, three days ago, the time and space had felt appropriate. It gave them both ample opportunity to sort out their feelings, make sure that they hadn't just gotten caught up in the moment. Will was sure that wasn't the case, but it felt right, practical, to be sure.

He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Molly. Every waking moment of the last three days she'd been on his mind. He'd dreamed about her every night, and two nights ago he'd woken up in the middle of one of those dreams, so riled up by what had been in his head that all he'd had to do was press his palm over himself to finish the job. That hadn't happened to him in a very long time.

Two hours before he was meant to meet her, he'd showered, cleaned up his beard, gotten dressed. He tried to not feel anxious but he couldn't help it, pacing his apartment, checking his watch over and over. He knew it would only take ninety seconds to get to her place, and he waited as patiently as he could, finally giving up with five minutes to spare and taking the stairs instead of the elevator.

He stared at his watch on her doorstep, watching the second hand go around three times until it read exactly seven PM. Then he tugged down his jacket, took a deep breath, and knocked on her door.

Comments

[wgraham]

Will couldn't help smiling again as Molly told him about her cooking experience. She had such a sweet sense of humor and he found he liked it immensely. "I mostly only ever cooked for my dogs," he told her in return. "I only ever had to worry about feeding them and myself, so they got good stuff and I just ate sandwiches all the time. Of course they'll eat practically anything, so it probably doesn't say much for my cooking skills," he added with a soft smirk.

The waiter came and Will didn't like the look of him from the start, but then he gave Molly a haughty, unimpressed look when she ordered her beer and a vindictive part of Will's brain hoped that Hannibal would come eat here and be served by this man. The amount of rudeness that peeled off him would have Hannibal planning a meal before he was done putting in his order.

When the waiter got to Will, he ordered the same beer as Molly, rather than the white wine he'd been contemplating. He liked beer just fine, and standing in solidarity with Molly and seeing the waiter recoil a second time was worth it. He ordered his dinner curtly and handed his menu over as well with a look that said he had about one more chance to earn his tip. Once they were alone again, Will took a breath, letting the ire in him burn down a fraction, looking at Molly and remembering why they were here, that all that mattered was being with her.

"So," he said, reaching out for her hand across the top of the table, soft smile on his lips. "Tell me more about yourself."

[thewinterlady]

Molly took his hand across the table and was grateful for the solidarity he'd shown with the waiter. The way he'd felt while he was doing it though...that was new. She was surprised by the sudden flare of his anger, but it ebbed just as quickly as it arrived. It was still there, but it was gradually being pushed out by the curiosity and affection Will normally gave off.

She relaxed and smiled at him, letting herself wallow a little in the way he felt, let it soothe over her slightly frazzled nerves. Three days of anticipation was about all she ever wanted to deal with and she made a mental note to tell him that later.

"Alright." Molly said, smiling and leaning forward towards him, chin resting on her hand. "I'm twenty five, I'm from Chicago, born and raised. Religious family so usual rebellion. I had a pretty spectacular Goth phase that there is very little photographic evidence of so don't ask." She added with a grin. "Ummm...I didn't go to college because training took up all my time once the Council put the Doom on Harry and me." She realised he wouldn't understand that and explained. "The Doom of Damacles. Basically parole for wizards after they break the laws of magic. It means that the death sentence they'd normally use is laid aside unless a wizard commits another infraction. Then the Grey Wardens get to carry it out without any trial. Just instant removal of head from body." She smiled softly and shrugged. "That's over now, thankfully. I don't think even the Wardens can get to me here."

[wgraham]

Just holding Molly's hand relaxed Will enough that he forgot about the waiter and some of the thoughts that had risen quickly and unbidden to his mind in regards to how to repay the man's rudeness. He watched Molly's face as she told him more about herself, tracking the movement of her eyes and how she seemed to be able to break eye contact with him easily and without making it seem like she was disinterested or distrustful. He reminded himself to ask her about that eventually, why she was so studious about not keeping them connected for too long at a time.

He wasn't very surprised to hear her age, but he hoped once she knew his she wouldn't change her mind about seeing him. There were certainly couples with more years between them than nine, but Will didn't know for certain if Molly would be okay with their age difference or not. He didn't have the chance to ask her, however, because the next thing she told him shook him a little, and he found he was holding her hand more tightly than he had been before.

"What constitutes as an infraction?" he asked her, his eyes sharp and his mind focused. He believed her that she thought she was safe here, and he knew she could take care of herself, but there was a part of him that rose up in defense at even just the idea of someone attempting to harm her.

[thewinterlady]

If the increase in pressure on her fingers hadn't told her that Will liked the idea of the Doom as much as she did, the sudden surge of protectiveness that came over the connection between her and Will would have. She could understand that. It sounded completely disgusting to outside ears.

"If I break one of the Laws again." She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and tried to explain. "There are seven laws of magic. One - you can't use magic to kill humans. Specifically human non-magic users. There are some exceptions but that's the big one. Two - a wizard can't use magic to transform others into things. Three and four pretty much always go together. You can't use magic to invade another mind and you can't bind anyone to your will." Molly swallowed thickly, the memory of her trial coming back fresh and fast as always. She carried on, muscling through the emotion to get the information out. "Five - no necromancy. That's more to do with binding the unwilling dead to do your bidding than actual resurrection. It's pretty grey because necromancers aren't inherently evil. Six - no time travel. Pretty straight forward. Too much risk of changing...well everything really. And the seventh law is that no wizard will ever open the Outer Gates and are bound to do anything in their power to assist the Gatekeeper should he ask for their help." She gave a little smile. "It's exactly as dramatic as it sounds."

The waiter brought their beers over in the pause she took for breath and Molly took it gratefully, using the glass he pointedly set down in front of her and sipped it. She waited for the snooty man to leave and then gave Will her eyes for a long moment. "I broke the third and fourth laws when I tried to help my friends. That would have been enough to have them execute me twice over, but Harry pleaded my case and saved me. It cost a lot. The Doom was for him as well as me. If i'd broken the Laws - any of them - again, we'd have both been executed immediately." She looked away from his eyes again, searching Wills face instead. "I'm still careful. I'm not sure the Laws apply here - nothing can get in or out of this place unless it wants to let it, apparently - but I won't take the risk, not with Harry's life."

[wgraham]

Will listened as Molly listed the Seven Laws of Magic, and though they all made sense (and reminded Will of Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics in an odd way), he could tell where her story was going as soon as she described laws three and four. His hand on hers tightened fractionally again, though he released it again as soon as he realized he was doing it. He didn't need to tell her how unfair he thought it was, her being prosecuted for something she did completely unknowingly, and then given a life long probation with the punishment of immediate execution if it was broken. Will's general feelings on crime and justice may have started to skew recently, but even outside of that the idea of upholding the death penalty for something done without intent struck him as severely unreasonable.

But there was no reason for Will to voice his opinion. One, he was sure he'd be preaching to the choir, but two, he was sure Molly could tell how he felt about it, if not via his expression than through the thread of understanding that seemed to always connect them.

"Is it difficult to control some of your powers?" he asked her gently, not because he wanted to prod, but because he was curious how much danger she might be in of accidentally breaking one of those seven laws.

[thewinterlady]

"It can be." Molly admitted and she wasn't ashamed of the fact. "It's both easier and harder these days with the other magic I carry too." She smiled at Will and ran her thumb over his.. "I...went through a rough patch for a while. It was after a big battle with one of the vampire courts and I thought Harry was dead. Me and some of the others Harry was close with formed kind of a protective patrol around Chicago in his absence. Harry's Faerie godmother promised to look after me and she taught me a hell of a lot - some of it good, some of it not so good - and I was strong but I was beat up. I did a lot of things that were close to the bone, but what I didn't know was that everything I was doing was shaping me to become a vessel for Faerie magic. She manipulated me into a situation where I wouldn't have a choice and here I am." Molly wasn't bitter about it anymore. There wasn't any point to that, not here. All the damage had been done. Now she just had to live with it. "It's called a Mantle - that's just a fancy name for power - and it made me one of the queens of Winter Court. I am the Winter Lady." She made a face. "That means nothing here when I can't even get to the NeverNever, but it does mean I have to carry it around. It shores up my defences and makes me better with types of magic I might not normally use, but it's insidious. The more I use it actively, the stronger it gets and the more I want to use it." She shrugged. "Double edged blade."

Taking a sip of her beer, she wondered something, deciding just to ask. "How are you taking all this so well?" It wasn't surprise, it was curiosity. She didn't think he was going to run screaming but anyone would be wondering if she was insane by now.

[wgraham]

It was a lot of information and Will started to have trouble tracking it, the more words Molly used that weren't in his natural vocabulary. He filed all of it away, knowing he'd either try to make sense of it, or he'd as Molly to clarify. At the moment he was mostly interested in how it all affected her here, if it made parts of her life difficult or put her in any particular danger.

Truthfully, he was a little overwhelmed, not so much by learning about Molly's power and all the things that fed into it over the years, but by trying to figure out what it all meant. But he wasn't afraid, and none if it made him want to be with her any less. The question she was asking him was, at least in part, a gauge, to see how he was taking all this new knowledge. He took a deep breath through his nose, and gave her a look that was nearly serious aside from the hint of a smile playing around his eyes.

"Well, I figure if I marry you, I'll get to be a king," he answered, and he knew it didn't work that way and that talking about marriage with a woman after less than half of a date was completely crazy, but he hoped Molly would take it as the lighthearted joke he'd intended.

[thewinterlady]

The joke made Molly grin and blush, laughing into her drink. "Oh so you're interested in me for my magic Faerie money? I get it." She said, happy beyond words that he wasn't completely overwhelmed by the information. "I'm sorry, Will. You're going to be really disappointed when it all turns back into coal on our wedding night."

She couldn't stop smiling. Just being around Will was more than enough to do that, but knowing that he accepted her, was interested despite her strangeness...it was heady. Molly knew he wouldn't understand it all, not yet, but that was fine with her as long as he was willing to accept it as part of her. And Will was clearly okay with that if he was joking about marrying her. A warm shiver went through her as she thought that. It was way, way too soon to be thinking about things like that, Molly knew, but the idea of waking up with him every morning, going to bed with him every night, was something she wanted very much.

She twisted her fingers through his and was about to lean over to tell him what she was thinking about, when the woman at the next table cleared her throat loudly and then when Molly was looking at her whispered to her friends about inappropriate displays of affection. They all laughed and Molly turned back to Will, suddenly aware of how wrong this place was for them. Still, she would stick it out, if that's what he wanted.

She smiled and tried to shake off the snide comments. "So I've overwhelmed you with my life. Do you want a turn? Tell me about yourself, Will Graham."

[wgraham]

Will smiled at the way Molly took his joke and ran with it, and he knew the mention of the wedding night was just tied into that, but he couldn't help thinking of what that might be like. He was probably getting ahead of himself, since they hadn't even slept together yet, and marriage, if it was something they ended up doing, was a long way off. Still, the mental images weren't unpleasant, if a little distracting.

The way she looked at him, Will wondered if she was thinking about similar things. They both knew they were joking, but it was clear they both liked each other very much already, had a connection that was impossible to deny. Looking at her face now, learning all these things about her and learning her more deeply, he felt like he could fall in love with her. He was hesitant to try to label things when they were soon new and intense, but he couldn't say the beginnings of that weren't already there, stirring in his heart.

She changed the angle of their hands then, threaded her fingers through his, and he could feel tension in her arm, like she was going to lean closer to him. He took a soft breath in anticipation, but then Molly sat back, a woman the next table over giving her a reproving look. He personally didn't care about her opinion of them, but he could tell it set Molly on edge, and Will felt irritation building inside him again. It was moments like this that he hated his empathy, because he felt Molly's embarrassment and disappointment inside him like it was his own. But, at the same time, his own feelings bled in, and he had to fight not to say something to the woman, not wanting to make a scene.

Instead, he squeezed Molly's hand in comfort and understanding. He hated being out in public like this, because people tended to always be so nosy and rude and inconsiderate. But he was here to be with Molly, to do this date thing the right way, so he took a breath and tried to calm himself.

"My life isn't nearly as exciting as yours," he told her with a soft smile, squeezing her hand again. "I was born and grew up in Louisiana. My mother left my father and I when I was really young, and my dad moved us around a lot. He worked on the ship yards as a mechanic mostly. I went to college in New Orleans and got a job with the police department and eventually became a homicide detective."

He took another breath, remembering that time of his life, how hard he'd worked back then to fit in and not get noticed. "I wasn't good in the field, bad under pressure, so I moved to Washington D.C. and went back to school to get a graduate degree in forensic science. Then I started working for the FBI, first in the crime lab and then eventually at Quantico, the FBI academy, as a teacher." She knew a lot of this already, but it was easier for him to go through it by rote, rather than landing on any particular details. "I did some field work again right before I came here. An agent asked me to consult on a serial murder case. They were having a hard time finding motive, and figured my 'gift' could help."

This was all very close to home for him still, a lot of things from the last few months cutting deep and holding on. Eventually, he'd have to tell Molly about Hannibal, but he had no idea how to even go about explaining that, who he was, what he'd done, the fact that he was here in Darrow. Just the idea of that made his anxiety flare inside him, and he looked down at the table top, at their joined hands, drawing strength from Molly's touch.

[thewinterlady]

His life did sound exciting to Molly. She'd always loved Karin's stories from before she'd gotten involved with Harry and magic and everything that went with it. And helping Harry with his investigations was always a thrill. Will helped people, even if it was after the fact. He provided closure and justice for the victims and that was honourable, if nothing else. And on top of that, he had to deal with the way his gifted mind worked. It must have been nearly impossible, but he'd done it anyway.

When he started talking about the consulting work for the FBI, the tone of his feelings changed. There was something slightly bitter colouring his words, maybe a little remorse too and Molly frowned. She would ask him about that, but not tonight. If he'd wanted to tell her, he would have. And it probably wasn't restaurant conversation.

In fact, she was starting to wonder if anything they were saying was truly appropriate here. Not that she cared - she just wanted them to be free to say these things without any holding back. They'd both been waiting for this, built it up in their minds and maybe it had been too much. She watched him now, anxious and holding on to her and all she wanted to do was slide into his lap and fold herself into him.

She made a decision and took a breath.

"Will...Can I ask you something?" She said, leaning towards him and not caring about the women still tutting her ear. "Would you be offended if I said that I really wanted to get out of here? Don't get me wrong, it's lovely and I really appreciate the gesture, but...I'd really rather be eating a burger and walking along the boardwalk alone with you." Even though they could stay here and still enjoy themselves just because they were together, Molly really wanted to just get out of this stuffy, oppressively rigid environment and finally relax and be close to Will the way she wanted. And she thought, hoped, that Will wanted the same.

[wgraham]

When Molly spoke, Will raised his eyes to hers again, and it sounded like she was nervous about her question. Considering everything they'd talked about so far, Will wondered what she could possible want to know that caused her trepidation, but then when she asked him if they could leave the restaurant he felt a sensation of relief so strong he breathed an abrupt laugh.

"God no. Not offended in the slightest," Will replied, feeling something warm and light inside himself for the first time since they walked into this place. He squeezed her hand once more and then moved to get his wallet out of his pocket, taking out enough cash to pay for their drinks and dinner, even though they had yet to see their food. Tossing the money on the table, he turned to see the women at the table beside theirs staring at him and Molly with wide eyes and shocked expressions. He nodded at them, his expression mostly benign (though if there was a hint of a glare there, it was because he couldn't help it), then reached for Molly's hand, pulling her close enough that he could press a warm kiss to her lips. It wasn't much more than chaste, but it was worth the startled gasps and aghast murmurs they left behind as they exited the restaurant.

Outside, Will waited for Molly to pull her jacket back on, then he took her hand again. He felt giddy, like a weight had been lifted off him, and he tugged her gently around the side of the building, away from the restaurant windows and the street. Then he took her in his arms, his eyes locked on hers for a long moment before he swept in and kissed her again, this time with much less restraint and much more passion.

[thewinterlady]

The kiss in the restaurant had been a great big middle finger to the whole place and Molly laughed as they exited the restaurant, Will leading the way with purpose and determination. He wanted out as much as she did and the relief made her giddy. There was a whirlwind of motion as they left, shrugging into coats and then Molly found herself in a quiet alley with Will looking at her.

Molly didn't think she'd ever get tired of the way the world went away when he looked at her. Everything went still and quiet and it was just the two of them, pressed close, sharing space and breath. It was tempting to let the look they shared go on but Will saved her from having to wrench her eyes away by leaning in to kiss her, his mouth hot and hungry on hers. Molly pressed back, matching his passion, hands in his hair as she opened under him, tongue pressing against the seam of his lips and tasting the beer on them.

The wall of the restaurant was cold when they backed up against it, but Molly didn't care. She'd been without this for too long already.She pawed at his jacket and slipped her hands in underneath, running them over the smooth material of his shirt, making a quiet noise at the heat of him under her fingers.

[wgraham]

It was brazen and a little tawdry, making out in an alleyway, but there was an element of romance to it as well, and it felt so good to have Molly in his arms that Will didn't care if anyone saw them or judged them. He pressed her shoulders carefully to the wall of the restaurant, needing the support to kiss her as deeply as he needed to, and while they only touched where their mouths met and hands landed, it was clear the fire from Kagura was still burning brightly in both of them.

A moment later, when Will drew back, they were both breathing hard, hearts beating in rapid unison. Molly's lips were dark pink and bee-stung, her eyes dark and full of desire, and Will had to fight the urge to just dive back in and keep kissing her. It wasn't fair to either of them to take things too far in a location like this, and though Will was perfectly happy to scrap the fancy restaurant portion of their date, he wasn't going to rush past this part of it. He'd never had a hurried fumble in an alley, but as satisfying as being able to touch Molly now would be, she deserved better, especially this time, the first time.

He'd lost his own virginity in high school, too bound up by his awkwardness and social anxiety to know how to deal with himself, desperate to fit in. So when a girl showed interest in him, he let himself be dragged away by it, dutifully accompanying her to parties and sporting events, taking her to prom. On the outside he'd been placid, telegraphing emotions that he didn't feel, hiding his roiling anxiety behind an exterior of carefully maintained stoicism. It was the time in his life he'd been the most included, but he'd felt like a shell, empty and hollow. Sex had been the pinnacle and also the culmination of the ill fated relationship; he'd performed just fine, but while his body had been present in the act, his soul had not, and even his girlfriend had been able to see it.

Being with Molly wasn't going to serve as a way for him to reclaim that moment, but being able to be part of the experience for her, making it important and meaningful, would be more than a little gratifying. So he wouldn't hurry it along; they had time, there was no reason to rush.

"Are you still hungry?" he asked her, and he'd meant for food, but the instant he said it he realized the duality of the meaning and smiled at her heatedly. "Do you want to eat?" he amended, lifting his hand to brush his fingers along her cheek.

[thewinterlady]

Molly could have stayed like this, just trading kisses and quiet noises, close and warm together in the chilly night forever. The way Will quieted the background noise of the city for her was something Molly was immediately greedy for, not to mention the way his kisses stoked the heat rising inside her.

She wanted to touch him and have him touch her in turn, to come apart in his hands. But this wasn't the time or the place for that and when they parted she could tell it was mutual.

She smiled at Wills question and then had huff a laugh at his correction. "Yes to both, but maybe option two is easier to accomplish right now." She said turning her head to kiss his knuckle. "We could go to the boardwalk?" She suggested, finding the idea of sitting together, close enough to share warmth while they talked and ate, very appealing.

[wgraham]

Will nodded, but he didn't move back from here for several more seconds, just standing close, feeling the heat of her body, her breath on his face. "Okay," he finally said, licking his lower lip and then taking a step away, reaching down to take her hand once more.

"I haven't been to the boardwalk yet," he told her as he lead her back to the street and then walked along it, heading toward the beach. He tucked his free hand in his pocket, the cold night air chilling his fingers. His other hand was warm in Molly's, and the feeling radiated up his arm. He knew it was a bit of a walk, so he thought maybe they could return to the conversation they'd been having before they left the restaurant.

"Did you have any questions you wanted to ask me?" he questioned, turning his head toward her to see her face.

[thewinterlady]

Molly almost whined when he moved away, but she caught the noise and made it something more like a laugh, taking his hand and threading their fingers together. It was comforting to be able to press close like this and just move together through the night, neither of them worried about propriety or social conventions.

"I have lots of questions." Molly said, smiling at him. "I think i'll be asking them for a while." She admitted. "But how have you never been to the boardwalk? How long have you been here?"

[wgraham]

"Nearly three months," Will replied, tugging her gently toward him so the were walking a little nearer to each other. "I arrived on September 15. But I ended up in the hospital pretty much immediately," he told her. "I had encephalitis when I got here, and it had been undiagnosed for several months. I was in pretty bad shape for a while."

He paused, thinking about how long ago that felt now, even though it was only a couple of months ago. All the hallucinations and nightmares and lost time felt like a distorted memory.

"After that I..." Will shook his head. "I ended up in some nightmare version of this city. For three weeks." He stopped, swallowing back the impending panic that rose in him when he thought about his time there, what he'd done. "It was unpleasant," he said, the tone of his voice matching the way it made him feel. "And that's putting it mildly. I had to do things there, horrible things, to survive. I don't know how real any of it was, but everything I did felt that way."

He squeezed Molly's hand again, needing her as a touchstone now, keeping him grounded so he wouldn't lose himself to terrible memories. "I haven't been much of anywhere here, because of all of that. And my tendency to avoid crowds. The fact that I went to Kagura, I really feel like something made me go there." He turned to her, giving her as bright as smile as he could with the unease that had risen inside him. "I don't know what it was, but I'm so glad I went."

[thewinterlady]

Three months was a very short time for so much to have happened to one person and Molly listened with growing horror. The encephalitis would have been enough to floor anyone, but Will had gotten up, recovered and whole again only to be knocked down again. Molly had heard of the nightmare realm that a few people had gotten caught up in, but she'd only heard of it in passing. Now, feeling how real it still was for him, she was grateful she hadn't been pulled in too.

None of that made the impact of the way Will was feeling any less for her. His cut off words when he called the experience 'unpleasant' covered panic and anxiety so thick Molly could taste it on the back of her tongue. He was squeezing her hand and she squeezed back, trying to offer as much support as she could.

He started to ease back from those feelings when he mentioned Kagura, the memories causing a wave of comfort in Molly that she wished she could give to Will. She settled for words instead.

"That place you went to...the shadow place...what you did there was what you had to do. I know what that's like. And I'm so sorry you have those memories now." She confessed. There was no sense in telling him it wasn't real - he knew that already and it wouldn't make any difference. Some things are written so large on your mind that you can never really let them go completely. But you could, if you were determined enough, bury them under the weight of good memories, and that was something Molly knew she wanted to be part of.

Molly watched his profile as they walked and tried a small smile. "But I am so, so glad you decided to go to Kagura. I've been here for a year and that one decision to go there too was the best one I've ever made."

[wgraham]

Will felt so comforted by the sound of Molly's voice telling him she understood, the physical connection of their fingers woven together, the more etherial one that orbited and tied them, it all proved to hold Will up in a moment where he would otherwise have very easily have let himself collapse. The air grew colder the closer they got to the pier, but the space around them was buzzing, alight with the energy that flowed between them.

"I dreamed about you," Will said after a moment of silence. "Every night since the night I met you." He took a breath, looking at her face in profile, her golden hair sweeping along her cheek and winding down past her shoulders. "One of those dreams, I heard your name, like an echo. I was working, alone, but I kept hearing your name. Like I was saying it, but it was coming from somewhere else."

It had been an almost eerie dream to wake up from, the sound of her name in his head like it was coming from the past and the future all at once. But it had only cemented for Will what he was already starting to feel for her, attachment and longing.

"You're the best thing I've ever had in my life," Will told her, his voice shaking a little at the admission. "I know I should be careful, patient, but there's so much of you in my head already, under my skin. And I know, very soon, you'll know everything about me." He took another breath. "I want you to know. I want you to know me."

[thewinterlady]

"Will..." His name sounded loud in her ears in the wake of his statement. The weight of what he'd said should be crushing, should be impossible for her to bear after such a short time, but it wasn't. That in and of itself should have worried her, instead it just made her feel lighter.

She pressed closer to him and nodded. "I want that too. And it goes both ways." She said, looking in the eye as he watched her. "I've never wanted to let anyone close before. Not as close as I want you to get." She smiled at him. "You made a hole in my walls the first second you looked me in the eye, you know that? No one's ever done that. You're inside my defences and I don't know how you did it. I'm glad that you are though."

[wgraham]

"I felt that too," Will told her, and they'd just reached the boardwalk, so he quickly steered them to a bench and pulled Molly down gently to sit beside him.

"I didn't know what it was at first," he further explained. "But I could feel something around you, between us. I could taste it." He paused, licking his lips at the memory of how it had felt, how it still resonated between them. "I don't know how, Molly, but I've always been able to feel that part of you. It's not overwhelming, but it's there whenever we're close."

He took a deep breath, looking into her eyes. "I know there's more," he said softly. "I can tell by the way you look away from me, every few seconds." He paused, hoping she wouldn't be upset by his saying this, mentioning what he'd noticed. "Eye contact has always been hard for me, and I notice when other people avoid it too. But it doesn't feel like you're anxious, like you don't trust me. There's something else. And it's okay if you don't want to tell me, but I want you to know that, whatever it is, I'll understand."

[thewinterlady]

Molly smiled ruefully, getting comfortable on the bench, turning slightly to face him, body curved into his.

"I figured you'd notice that." She said and tried to work out a way to tell him about Soulgazes. "I do trust you. I trusted you pretty much straight away. It's got nothing to do with anxiety either, you're right." She clarified, just to make sure he knew it wasn't him. "The reason I look away is so that I don't pull you into a Soulgaze with me. You've heard the expression 'Eyes are the window to the soul'? That's what a Soulgaze is. If I look at someone for too long I can see everything about them. Everything. All their best parts, everything they are unconsciously, everything they've ever done...I see it all. And it works both ways. The person I'm Soulgazing with sees all of me too. Everything, Will. All the good but all the bad as well." She held his eyes for a moment so that he understand how serious she was about this. "And you never forget. Everything you see in a Soulgaze stays with you forever, just like the first time you saw it, just as fresh and it never dulls. Not ever."

Taking his hand in hers and pulling it into her lap, she looked down, splaying her fingers over his, fingertip to fingertip. "I've wanted to do it with you since we fist met, but I would never make that decision for you. I've got some memories, some parts of me that you would..." she swallowed and looked at him. "It's not a choice you should take lightly, if you ever consider it an option." And Molly meant that with everything she was. Part of her desperately wanted to share this with him, but she wouldn't sugar coat it for him. Will deserved to know what he was getting into.

[wgraham]

It wasn't exactly what Will had expected to hear, but it wasn't too far off. He'd had a feeling it was about connecting, something stronger than what they'd already shared. As deeply as they'd touched each other mentally and emotionally, this was so much more profound, seeing every single thing in vivid, raw detail. He had to make himself take a breath, realizing that he'd stopped breathing as his mind ran with the idea, with what could happen if they ventured into the territory Molly described.

He was already shaking his head, but it wasn't because he'd made a decision either way. "Molly," he said, his tone even but a little weary. "You know what I do," he went on, keeping his voice low. "You can't imagine the things I've seen, the things I've... I take on the mind of killers, I think like they do, I see what they've done, I imagine myself doing those things. Horrible, violent things." He exhaled shakily, his anxiety kicking up and causing his heart to race. "And I've done things, I..."

He had to stop and close his eyes, tipping his head down. He opened his eyes again a moment later, but his gaze remained on their hands, overlapped in Molly's lap. "In the nightmare city, I murdered people," he admitted, his voice a broken, harsh whisper. "Five people. And it, it wasn't clean, it was..." He was losing himself, memories washing over him, infiltrating his mind, his breathing heavy and shaking. "I have so much blood on my hands. And I know it wasn't real, it couldn't have been, but I remember. What it looked like, what it felt like..." He finally looked up, almost meeting Molly's gaze but afraid to do so, not because he was worried about her seeing into him, but because he was terrified of what she would think of him now, with his admission laid bare. "You don't want to know how it felt. How it made me feel."

[thewinterlady]

"I already know how it feels." Molly said simply. And she did too. She'd done a lot in her time after a Chichen Itza when Harry had been dead, for all intents and purposes. She'd taken on the Ragged Lady persona, shared it with Lea to keep the city safe and the things she'd done then...they were a stain on her soul. But she'd share that with Will if he wanted her to.

Even if she hadn't been able to pick up on his emotions, the rapid pulse under her fingers would have told her how he was feeling. She might not fully understand how he did what he did, but she could see what it did to him even thinking about it. He didn't have to do the work he did, but he did it anyway because it saved lives. He took on other peoples horror and used it for good and that, more than anything else, reassured her that her instincts about him were right.

She ducked into his line of sight and held his eyes for as long as she could. "A Soulgaze is about your soul, not your actions. The things you do affect your soul, yes, but they aren't what makes you you. You might have dark aspects in there, but they're not all there is. I can see that even without seeing into your soul." She smiled gently at him, expression kind but determined. "What you've done, what you've had to do inside your mind, in that other place doesn't scare me, Will. I'm not going anywhere." She said, meaning it wholeheartedly.

[wgraham]

Molly's voice and her words were calming, and even as part of him continued to panic, the forefront of his mind relaxed, allowing him to breathe more easily. He still wasn't entirely sure that Molly knew what she was in for if she saw into his soul, even knowing that she'd killed before herself. He didn't know the details, of course, only the implication of the act, but he did know something inside him was perverted, and not just by Hannibal's manipulations. When he'd killed those people in the shadow city he'd grown more and more delirious with the power it made him feel, the pleasure that came with it. When he'd squeezed the life out of Marissa Schuur, he'd relished in the way she looked when she was dying, and could remember vividly the way it looked when the light went out in her eyes. It should have sickened him, thinking about it now, but it didn't. He couldn't say he felt the same satisfaction as he had then, but he didn't feel any remorse either.

"I've... Enjoyed killing," he finally said, and even before the nightmare world, he'd done so, when he shot and killed Garrett Jacob Hobbs. Hobbs had been a bad person, a murderer, and his death was justified, but Will hadn't expected to feel so pleased by taking someone's life. "I think, in that place, it was feeding off of that, my fears of..." He stopped and shook his head. He didn't know how to explain what he was afraid of, that he was terrified that he was a murderer, that he was just like Hannibal.

He took a breath. "I don't want to keep it from you," he told her, emotion rising in him again. "But I don't want you to go in blindly. There is a darkness in me." He closed his eyes, moved his hand so he was holding hers again, needing a touchstone as he opened his eyes again. "I trust you," he said, his voice a low whisper as he held her gaze, not with the intention of connecting them right now, but so she'd know he was serious about what he was saying. "I want you to see me."