wgraham | (no subject)

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Will wasn't sure if he'd ever felt this way before in his life. He'd felt attraction toward people before, obviously, and he'd had girlfriends, though nothing serious, but he hadn't ever been so interested in being around someone as he was about being with Molly.

When they'd made this date, three days ago, the time and space had felt appropriate. It gave them both ample opportunity to sort out their feelings, make sure that they hadn't just gotten caught up in the moment. Will was sure that wasn't the case, but it felt right, practical, to be sure.

He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Molly. Every waking moment of the last three days she'd been on his mind. He'd dreamed about her every night, and two nights ago he'd woken up in the middle of one of those dreams, so riled up by what had been in his head that all he'd had to do was press his palm over himself to finish the job. That hadn't happened to him in a very long time.

Two hours before he was meant to meet her, he'd showered, cleaned up his beard, gotten dressed. He tried to not feel anxious but he couldn't help it, pacing his apartment, checking his watch over and over. He knew it would only take ninety seconds to get to her place, and he waited as patiently as he could, finally giving up with five minutes to spare and taking the stairs instead of the elevator.

He stared at his watch on her doorstep, watching the second hand go around three times until it read exactly seven PM. Then he tugged down his jacket, took a deep breath, and knocked on her door.

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Everything about Molly calmed Will, from the instant they met, and even after this, making an admission he'd not made to anyone but Hannibal, revealing the dark truth about him, she took it, consumed it, and made him feel at ease. It was like she could digest the broken parts of him and see through to the good, almost the opposite of the way Hannibal saw destruction and ignored his desire to move beyond it. Molly's kisses and her words soothed him utterly, and he felt the anxiety that had risen high in his throat ebb away.

"I want do the Soulgaze when we're both conscious of it, prepared for it," he told her, voicing a different worry now. "I don't know how easy it is for you to break eye contact when you're distracted," he explained, trying to be compassionate about the way he described his thoughts, not wanting her to think he didn't trust her to be able to control her powers. He took a breath. "When we sleep together," he said, his voice low and heated with the idea, "I know I'll want to look at you, see you. I won't want to look away. I don't want to put you in a bad position, and I don't know if that will make things more difficult."

Wills voice was low and intense and Molly felt the low hum of the tension that seemed to always run between them pitch up a fraction. She wanted it, wanted to sleep with Will, have him inside her and wrapped around her as they moved together. The more she thought about it, the more she wasn't sure she would be able to look away. The idea of not seeing him was unthinkable. Having to tear her eyes away when all she'd want to do would be to look at him, see the expression on his face, feel him inside her mind as well as on her skin. She wasn't a hundred percent sure that she could do it.

It would be easy to prevent the Soulgaze if her life were at stake, if she was concentrating on saving someone else. She'd done it more than once. She'd even Soulgazed to win a fight. Her control wasn't something she doubted in a life or death situation, or even in every day life. But with Will...

"I've never been in that situation, so honestly I don't know." Molly said. He knew she was a virgin and he'd never looked at her any differently because of it. If anything, he'd taken more care with her physically because of it. And now he was taking care of her magically. Molly felt warm from his concern and warmer still from the idea of them together. "I do want it, but it's not essential." She smiled and shrugged a shoulder. "Maybe if I was blindfolded..."

Will knew she was teasing, and he smiled back at her, reaching up to tuck a lock her hair behind her ear. If it was a matter of just avoiding eye contact during sex, Will knew he could do that. In fact, that's how he'd typically done it before, tucking his head against a woman's shoulder or using a position that didn't require them to be face to face. But he didn't want to avoid it with Molly, he wanted to be able to see her face and kiss her, watch pleasure bloom across her features, see how she was feeling by looking in her eyes. But he also didn't want to put her in danger of seeing the broken, ugly parts of him during a moment like that, didn't want to see every bit of her the first time he felt her that way. It seemed like an intimacy that was better experienced separately, an emotional moment that deserved its own time and reverence.

"I think we should wait," Will told her, holding both if her hands in his own, squeezing her fingers. "I don't think we should have sex until we have a chance to share a Soulgaze for the first time." He licked his lips, and he hoped see could hear in his voice how much this meant to him, that he wanted to protect her and he wanted to make sex with her as amazing as possible, not wanting either of them to have to hold back. He didn't want to wait, but he would, it if made things better for her, for both of them, later.

"Okay." Molly said and smiled. It made sense. There were already very few barriers between them but this one was important. If they were going to start something together, something that might last, Molly didn't want to have to avoid anything with Will. "I'd really like that. I don't want this to be casual between us either." She said honestly. The look on his face told her he was thinking the same thing and she felt reassured beyond measure.

Molly looked at their hands and then back up at Will, searching his eyes for a second. "Just so you know...I'm really, really looking forward to the actual sex stuff." She said, hoping to break the serious tension that threatened to devour them both. She was on the first date she'd ever seriously been on in her life and she wanted them to relax and enjoy it for the experience it was. Plus she liked it when Will smiled. He was a serious man, she knew that, but there was a light to him that she'd seen in glimpses and she wanted more, wanted to be the one that made him smile and laugh.

She gave him a cheeky grin and then stood, pulling him up with her. "Plus I'm still hungry and there's a burger stall behind you that smells amazing now that I've noticed it. Also, I have about a million questions that I haven't asked yet and I think you're going to need your strength for the onslaught."

Will smiled at how easily Molly had accepted the request, how understanding she always was, how in tune they were. One of the reasons Will had never particularly like dating was that it had always been a lot of work, doing things that didn't interest him, having to sort out what the other person wanted when they insisted on being opaque about their desires. But Molly wasn't like that. She was upfront and authentic and genuine, unafraid to share her truth, conscious of her own feelings even as she was considerate of his. It made him relax, because he could just be without having to perform. She wasn't looking for an act, she wanted him as he was, raw and unpleasant as it sometimes could be.

"I'm looking forward to it too," he told her, his grin shifting to something a bit more sheepish. "Actually, I was thinking, depending on how things go tonight, there are things we could do that wouldn't risk prolonged eye contact," he said, and he was prepared to tell her, but only if she wanted to know.

"In the meantime," he offered, allowing her to help him stand, "Eating would be good. And I'm looking forward to your interrogation, if I'm honest," he said, squeezing her hand and guiding her toward the hamburger stand.

Molly swallowed hard at the idea of other 'things' they could do. In truth she'd been thinking about them pretty much constantly since they left the bed together at Kagura. It was one thing to picture them in the quiet of her own mind, it was another to know Will was thinking about them and seemed more than happy to tell her about them.

She pushed the thought aside and leant into him as they walked on towards the various food vendors. "Interrogation might be a little heavy. I was going to start small. Like, how old are you?" She said, smiling at him.

Will sighed, but he was still smiling when he said, "I was wondering when you were going to ask me that." They took a few more steps, then joined the line for the hamburger stall, a couple in front of them, and then small family at the head of the queue.

"I'm thirty-four," he told her. There was a large part of him that didn't think the nine years between them was going to be a deal breaker, but there was also just enough doubt to cause a thread of worry to run through him.

Will set his shoulders like she was about to reject him out of hand and he was stealing himself against it. Of course she wasn't about to, not even close. That didn't mean she wasn't going to tease him a little bit.

"Oh. Oh no." Molly said and then shook her head, lifting her chin dramatically and pulling away so there was a distance between them. "I'm sorry, Will...I have a five year limit. I just can't."

At first Will thought she was joking, then he let the feeling settle and a spike of panic rose in him as he second-guessed what he was reading on her face.

"Are you being serious?" he asked her carefully, taking a step toward her so he could lower his voice, but he didn't touch her, in case she really didn't want him near her. It was a strangely conflicted feeling, not knowing how she felt, how uncertain it made him feel for the first time since the moment they met.

"Am I..?" She looked back at Will and saw the uncertainty there, immediately regretting her joke. She crossed back towards him and kissed him softly. "Will...god, no. I'm not serious. I don't care about your age." She flushed, but kept looking at him as long as she could, determined to reassure him. "If anything it makes me feel more secure about everything." She smiled a little. "Have you met most twenty five year old boys? No thanks."

Will laughed, relieved and amused by her comments. He'd been twenty-five, obviously, but he'd never acted like the other boys his age. He was always too awkward, too abnormal, to be compared to anyone his own age. Still, he understood what she meant, and he was glad that she didn't really take issue with their age difference.

"I'm sorry," he told her, his voice still low. The family at the head of the line finished paying, and the couple in front of them moved up to the window. "Sometimes I build things up in my head too much," he said, reaching down to hold her hand again. "That said, if you have any deal breakers, you should probably tell me what they are," he went on, not trying to give her an ultimatum but wanting to get the rest of the potentially scary things out of the way as soon as possible.

Molly sighed, relieved when he reached for her again, folding her hand into his as he spoke.

It was a legitimate concern. Plenty of people must have hard limits but Molly didn't have the experience to really know what hers might be beyond requiring her potential partner being a decent human being. That was enough for her.

"I can't think of anything right now, but I'm new to this whole thing." She said with a half smile. "What about you? Do you have any rules I should know about?"

Before Molly, Will would probably have had a list of things that would eliminate a potential girlfriend, but when he actually tried to consider it now, he couldn't come up with anything. They'd already talked about how they felt about having children, Will knew she wasn't religious, so they didn't clash there, and she knew the things he'd done, or at least the ideas of them, and hadn't turned away from him. He couldn't think of anything else that would make him change his mind about wanting to be with her.

"I can't think of anything either," he answered honestly, meeting her eyes. They still had the soulgaze to come, and there could be something one or the other uncovered there that might throw a wrench into the works, but Will didn't feel worried about it. He knew some of the things she'd done, and he figured there was more to it than she'd said aloud, but Will had started to realize that there was surprisingly little a person could do that he couldn't forgive or look past. If nothing else his continued friendship with Hannibal was a testament to that. And there was no way Molly was anywhere near as deceptive, manipulative, monstrous, or cruel as Will knew Hannibal could be.

In line, the couple ahead of them moved away, and they approached the counter to order their food. Will followed Molly's lead, and a few moments later they were carrying a little bag back toward the bench they'd vacated a few minutes before.

The food smells amazing as they sit and Molly grabbed the bag, handing out the food. She pulled out a french fry, steam rising in the cold air as she bit into it, smiling at Will as he set about opening his wrappers. The moment was perfect and Molly enjoyed it's simplicity. Sitting in the cold, eating hot food, pressed close together. The food itself was glorious. Not that the restaurant wouldn't have been, but there was something more honest about this.

They ate in silence for a while before Molly sighed happily. "I have more questions if you don't mind talking and eating?"

Will realizes, as he and Molly begin to eat, that this is the first meal he's shared with someone since he came here. He's had drinks with people a couple of times, but this is the first time he's eaten in someone else's presence. It doesn't feel strange aside from the fact that he doesn't have to worry about Molly's motives like he used to the people he typically shared a table with before.

"I don't mind at all," he responds to her query. "You can ask me anything."

"Okay." Molly said and then took a bite of her burger while she thought what she wanted to ask next. "Tell me a memory that makes you happy?" She asked and the idea firmed up in her head as she said it. Molly had seen him pleased and feeling content, but she wanted to feel what a truly happy moment felt like for Will too. It was a little selfish but, she felt like she could afford to be a little greedy. "I mean really happy, deep down in your soul, dance in the moonlight naked kind of happy. And don't just say me, despite how tempting it is." She added cheekily, waving a fry at him.

It was an extremely difficult question, and Will floundered a bit, even just processing it. He wasn't sure he'd ever felt that happy in his life. Meeting Molly had made him feel amazing, content and longing for more, but he imagines what she's asking, a moment of pure joy, and he can't come up with anything at all.

And then he thought about his dogs. It sounded stupid even in his own head, but all he could picture was coming home from a long day, opening the door of his farmhouse, and being greeted by his dogs, each of them happy to see him.

"Coming home to my dogs," he said, knowing he wasn't going to find anything that better answered her question. "I had six of them, before I came here. All strays. They were my family." He looked up into her eyes, smiling a little, hoping he didn't sound ridiculous. "You make me happy now, Molly," he said. "And imagine some day I'll get to come home to you, and I'll feel that way again."

Molly closed her eyes when he started talking and opened her senses, searching for the feeling he described. It was a quiet happiness, but a genuine one, pure and unadulterated. She could imagine him like that, animals he loved and that loved him in return just being content together in a shared space. No pressure from social expectations. Just pure and genuine happiness to be around eachother.

She let it wash over her and saw him smiling when she opened her eyes again. He had a beautiful smile and Molly returned it, adding a blush to it as he talked about coming home to her. Molly could see it too. A bunch of animals in a shared space, their shared space, a family space, full of life.

"I've never had a pet." Molly said. "Too many Jawas in the house as it was. But I always wanted one. Something that was just mine and wanted to be just mine, you know?"

Molly's comment jogged a memory in Will, and his smile turned sheepish. "I forgot to mention, I have a dog here," he said, feeling bad for forgetting. "He was living behind my building, and I took him in. About a week ago, before I met you."

He met her eyes. "I hope you're okay with that. He'll stay at my place, but I..." He stopped himself, looking away. "I'm thinking too far ahead," he said, taking a breath.

Molly smiled and lifted a hand, gently drawing his face back to look at her. "I'd love to meet him. Maybe not tonight because I want you to myself, but soon." She said and smiled. "And I don't mind you thinking those things. Not at all." Molly knew it was too soon for things like that, but the thought warmed her anyway. "Maybe don't give up the lease on your apartment just yet." She added, tone teasing as she nudged him lightly.

Will smiled, feeling relieved that Molly didn't mind the track his mind kept going on, and also glad that she was as interested as he was to be alone together later that night. "I'm not in a hurry," he told her, honestly. "I promise, I'm not trying to rush. But if you want to go slower, we can. If you want to be open and see other people..." He let that thought trail off, because he knew full well there weren't any other prospects for him.

"I'll do my best to pretend I don't mind, at least," he told her with a soft smile. He took a breath.

"Would you answer that question, the one you asked me a minute ago?" he asked after a beat. "About your happiest moment?"

"Okay - for the record; this is plenty slow for me." Molly said to reassure him. "I'm not in a rush but I don't need to see anyone else. You're what I want." She added with a little heat in her voice. She let the tension drag out between them for a minute, just enjoying the way it curled through her and through the air between them.

Smiling, Molly looked away and back to her food, thinking about her happiest moment. "When my brother Daniel was born." Molly said. "I was only a few years old myself, but I was so excited. We went to the hospital and I was in the waiting room with our family priest and I just couldn't sit still. I just wanted to see him, meet him and show him how great a big sister I was going to be. And then when I was taken in to see him he was so serious. All frowny and wrinkly the way babies are. Mom insisted that I hold him and I was so scared I was going to hurt him because he was so tiny, but I did it anyway. Then he smiled at me." She looked at Will and shrugged a shoulder. "Mom said later it was probably gas, but in that moment I was so, so happy. I'd made him smile his first smile." She smiled cheekily. "Of course he was a pain in my ass every day after that, but that's how little brothers work."

Will didn't like that he had to admit it, but hearing Molly say she didn't want to see anyone else caused a sense of relief to rise in him. He wasn't possessive as a general rule, but this thing between them was still so new and intense, he didn't think he could back off now, not easily. He watched her as she turned back to her dinner, and he felt a little guilty staring, but his own appetite had vanished (like it often did), and it was difficult for him to keep his undistracted eyes off her.

Molly's memory was beautiful, and Will had expected no less. When she'd first asked for his happiest memory the first thing he'd considered was a birth, but he hadn't been a part of any, an only child and a single man most of his life. He smiled at the way Molly spoke of her brother, of holding him, falling in love instantly. He'd never even had the thought of wanting a sibling, not really, because he'd known, even as a small child, it was asking too much.

"It's really nice, how close you were with your family," he said softly. "I'm sorry that you've been separated from them. It must be really difficult."

Molly nodded a little. "It's hard being away from them." She said and that was true. She missed them like a constant ache in her bones. But they were safe. She'd made them as safe as she could and Harry would never let anything happen to them, not as long he lived. "They're safe though. Harry is taking care of them along with some other beings that they don't know about. And I wouldn't want them here for anything in the world."

She popped a last fry into her mouth and balled up the wrappers, tucking them away into the bag. "I think..." She paused and smiled at him. "I think we should take a slow walk back to Bramford." Molly said. "I'm good with the cold but I think I'd like to get warm with you now."

Will watched her as she spoke, could feel the longing she had for her family, and also the relief that they were safe, even if she wasn't there to watch over them. Will wished he had the same assurances about Abigail, though with Hannibal here with him, maybe she was safer there than she would have been otherwise.

"I think that sounds like a wonderful idea," he said when Molly suggested walking back to their apartment building. He was a little cold himself, though he hadn't noticed it until Molly mentioned getting warm with him. He felt color rise to his face, though it wasn't a blush, something more visceral causing his blood to start pumping again. He stood first, reaching out to take the garbage from Molly and throw it away in a nearby trashcan before he offered her his hand to help her stand.